I love my mother and would do anything for her. However, she is the primary reason why I smoke. Why? She’s batshit insane. How batshit insane?

Here’s some of the conversations that I had with my mother within 30 minutes of waking up:
Me: You know, Mother, you shouldn’t have to yell so much to wake me up. I’ll get up when I’m not exhausted to the point where I’ll pass out if I stand.
Mom: If you wanted Thanksgiving dinner where you didn’t have to get up and do anything, you can go to Denny’s.

Mom: Angelo! What are you doing up there?
Me: We’re bonding as brothers. We’re talking about life and stuff.
Mom: Angelo! Get down here! Now!

Mom (in a calm voice): I love you, Alex. I really do. I’m asking you kindly to leave the house, now.
Me: Because I woke up at 11 instead of your precious 8am?
Mom (still calm): If you don’t want to respect my wishes, then fuck you.

Mom: If you don’t mind, I already have one [child] that bugs the Hell out of me. I don’t need two.
Me: But you have four.
Mom: Yeah, but two of them are in front of me.

Expect more updates on my mother.