This Is Why I Smoke, Her name is Eva. Yes, Eva. Eva Braun. You know,...

Her name is Eva. Yes, Eva. Eva Braun. You know, Hitler’s wife. She is a friend’s dog, and we take care of her sometimes. Next semester, we will be taking care of her while her owner is in Italy. Let me tell you some things about this dog:

She loves garbage. This dog will eat garbage. Not just dig through it, I mean really eat it. My roommates and I have, on numerous occasions, showed her that she could not. We’re confused as to why she still wants to eat it, however, because she will just dig in that garbage can when we’re not home.
She has, on more than one occasion, eaten tin foil. Yes, aluminum foil. You know, the shit that, when eaten, will potentially kill you. Remember those old gags when those dicks in high school would shred tin foil and put it in your meal to get back at you for being smarter than them? And then you’d cough blood for a week? Yeah, this dog has SHIT TIN FOIL AND WALKED AWAY AS IF IT WERE NOTHING.
She’s a brat. Not unlike a 14 year old girl, Eva knows what “sit” means, but will refuse to do so unless it can benefit her in some way.
She uses me as a ramp. I shit you not, she has used me as a fucking ramp. She came in from outside and was running apeshit around the house. She jumped up on the couch, where I was sitting, and jumped off of my chest to fling herself across the living room. No idea why. Probably because I’m so “ramp-like”.
She likes to sneeze in my face.
Back when I lived off of $40 for over a month, I was living off of what I could. I was eating a piece of bread to hold me over until my next meal…..of more bread. Eva jumped up and stole a chunk of bread from my hands. If you’ve ever done this to a homeless man, you know you’re (1) a dick and (2) about to be punished. She no longer looks me in the eye.
She regularly touches cigarette cherries. She tries to sniff them. Nobody knows why. Out of her own devices, she will lose an eye. Any dog that knows how to sit should know that fires burns. Then again, she eats tin foil. I guess I’ll never understand women.
She literally just fought an empty can of Dr. Pepper.
She tried to eat a lighter.
She, not ten minutes after her epic battle with the can of Dr. Pepper, confronted the can for another match.

Her name is Eva. Yes, Eva. Eva Braun. You know, Hitler’s wife. She is a friend’s dog, and we take care of her sometimes. Next semester, we will be taking care of her while her owner is in Italy. Let me tell you some things about this dog:

She loves garbage. This dog will eat garbage. Not just dig through it, I mean really eat it. My roommates and I have, on numerous occasions, showed her that she could not. We’re confused as to why she still wants to eat it, however, because she will just dig in that garbage can when we’re not home.
She has, on more than one occasion, eaten tin foil. Yes, aluminum foil. You know, the shit that, when eaten, will potentially kill you. Remember those old gags when those dicks in high school would shred tin foil and put it in your meal to get back at you for being smarter than them? And then you’d cough blood for a week? Yeah, this dog has SHIT TIN FOIL AND WALKED AWAY AS IF IT WERE NOTHING.
She’s a brat. Not unlike a 14 year old girl, Eva knows what “sit” means, but will refuse to do so unless it can benefit her in some way.
She uses me as a ramp. I shit you not, she has used me as a fucking ramp. She came in from outside and was running apeshit around the house. She jumped up on the couch, where I was sitting, and jumped off of my chest to fling herself across the living room. No idea why. Probably because I’m so “ramp-like”.
She likes to sneeze in my face.
Back when I lived off of $40 for over a month, I was living off of what I could. I was eating a piece of bread to hold me over until my next meal…..of more bread. Eva jumped up and stole a chunk of bread from my hands. If you’ve ever done this to a homeless man, you know you’re (1) a dick and (2) about to be punished. She no longer looks me in the eye.
She regularly touches cigarette cherries. She tries to sniff them. Nobody knows why. Out of her own devices, she will lose an eye. Any dog that knows how to sit should know that fires burns. Then again, she eats tin foil. I guess I’ll never understand women.
She literally just fought an empty can of Dr. Pepper.
She tried to eat a lighter.
She, not ten minutes after her epic battle with the can of Dr. Pepper, confronted the can for another match.